So I thought its time again to share with you some of the chit chat me and my bestie have in our boudoir
A topic that keeps on popping up, are those girls we know who just seem to be "so obssesed" when it comes to love and relations
You know who am talking about, each one of you has that one or two friends who just seem to be a totally different person when it comes to love
They become very needy when they are in a relationship, they smother their partner, they dedicate ALL their time to their partner, they change themselves, suddenly they change with anyone who doesnt support their relationship, they become extra sensitive when it comes to their partner
They tolerate cheating, being mis-treated, being humiliated, being controlled.
They become extra protective, they become very jealous, they dont listen when you state the obvious
Suddenly they alienate all their family and friends from their unbelievable attachment and addiction to their partner.
In the past people would simply tell you: its LOVE, oh great old LOVE
But in certain cases it isnt simple old love, its a whole new level of obssesion and addiction
I dont want to get into very complicating details, but research and study shows that so many brain neurotransmitters, chemicals and hormones play a great role in love
That most of the time, espically in the start of a relationship, the part of the brain that is active during the whole new relation process is the part responsible for drive and challenge
and as expected with any drive and challenge, as it gets harder, the brain works harder to get it and becomes more focused and obssesed on getting it, and the person develops sorta of a "tunnel vision" where all he focuses on is getting his goal- regardless of how he really feels about the person, because now it isnt about love or feelings, its about a winning or loosing a challenge.
In a way that explains why being dumped, makes you want the person much more! Your brain becomes more focused on winning this challenge you lost.
Its probably the reason why all these stupid love guide books tell you about all those : hard-to-get techniques and reason why all old arab poets used to write about التغلي
If you ask me, its stupid, I mean would you want a relationship based on manuiplating a person's brain and hormones? To get them fall madly in love with you based on a drive for winning? okay then answer this, what will happen when after 2 years these chemicals cool down ( and yes research shows that the whole drive phase is just in the begining) and you both realize you have no true feelings and nothing in common?! that the reason you are together is because you played the hide and seek, hard to get game on the poor guy or girl and messed up their brain?!
But then some people love this meaning-less kinda of craze people will develop for them, they mistake it for being loved and being popular, when its simply like giving a kid a very average gift and then taking it away. The kid even though doesnt like the boring average gift that much, he will obsses about it because you took it away..
So anyhow back to topic, you probably wondering why am I going on and on about these people who are very dysfunctional in love
well HELL NO!
as they say it اذا عرف السبب, بطل العجب
We should deal with our dysfunctional feelings as problems that need to be fixed, and understanding the origin of those dysfunctional feelings will help solve them
That is why around the world there are rehab centers for people who are love addicts, LAA, love addicts anonymous
And in places where such center are not available, you have your regular therapists, life coaches and relationship coaches, now there is no shame in seeing someone and talking about these problems.
If your love life is affecting the way you feel emotionally about yourself, if its affecting your career or school life, if its disconnecting you socially from people, if its alienating your friends, then helll yeah you have a problem!!
here is some useful test that can help you find out if you have a love addiction problem
Their website is very helpful, its an organization for love addicts with a whole 12 steps program
I would also recommend everyone to watch this amazing video by Helen Fisher on the study she did regarding the changes in the brain that occurs when a person is in love
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/helen_fisher_studies_the_brain_in_love.html
And for the people who are big fans of misunderstanding me, listen, I have nothing against love, I love LOVE!
I just dis-like any emotion that is abused, I dislike seeing people who are most of the time strong and in full control of their life, lose this control and make fools of themselves in love
Yes we all do mistakes in love, we all make a bit of fools of ourselves and that is fine
But again there is a limit..when you start loosing your life to any kind of emotion, you know you are heading for rock bottom and you need help
and I just feel glad that science and research can help us understand the origion of the problem in order for us to control it and solve it.
A7ibkom
XOXO
TaLyan's
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